I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
