If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
