I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
