sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i came on her dog
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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