Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
