I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
