I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
