I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
A+ Viking dick
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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