Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
