it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This is the high leading the old right now
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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