I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
two words: eviction party
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
