I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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