I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
