I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
