Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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