Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
