if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
