im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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