i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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