On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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