My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
