2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
