the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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