life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
