My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
