if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
