if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
