There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
time to smoke my breakfast
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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