Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
