I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
