Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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