i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
