even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
