Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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