We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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