after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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