don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
