White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
