and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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