i barfeds in our rink
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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