using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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