What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
