what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
