i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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