I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Randomize
