Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
