Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
