I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
