you're like a bully in the Christmas story
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
