Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
