roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
