My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
