You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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