If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
