OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
