he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
