I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize