if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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