I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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