weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
