I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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