A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
