I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
