Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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