Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so explain again why im purple
no
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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