Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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