how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
