I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
