A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's just like the Real World with babies
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
