TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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