Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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