sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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