I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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