He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
