I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
