How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
