I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
