One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
