I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
