I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Randomize
