Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
40s are totally the cure
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
