Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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