Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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