Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
