i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
