Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
