after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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