So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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