Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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